Pickle Wars
by AnimeGoddessS
Summary: A random story birthed from a random moment and is full of random events. If you like random humor, then it's safe to presume this story is for you! (Valentine's Day Special pt. 1 posted, pt.2 in progress) R&R plz
1. Who orders Pickles?

Pickle Wars

By: AnimeGodessS

Declaimer: Do I own Wild ARMs 3? .... Hmmm... lemme check.... Nope, not yet. Do I own Dragon Ball Z? Nope. Do I own the Internet? Nope. Do I own anything I made references to? Nope.

A/N: It's a crossover! It's a song fic! It's my first ever attempt at humor! It's a.... a.... crossdresser? A story spawned from a line I've always wanted to start a fic off with...

And so we begin...

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"Can I put pickles on it?"

The group of four drifters gazed confused across the room to another party of four who had just seated themselves to order. Clive glanced at Virginia, who in turn looked expectantly at Jet, who wasn't paying attention, so she instead looked at Gallows who just continued to gaze, jaw-dropped, across the room.

"Who puts _pickles_ on rice, and soy sauce?" Gallows asked, but no one answered. They were all wondering the same thing. They could understand just regular vegetables, fruit even, but _pickles_? "What a weird looking bunch of people anyway..." Gallows continued, turning back to his own meal (mostly meat and gravy).

"Yes..." countered Clive "Just look at the lad with the green hair... how bizarre!"

His companions just stared at him for a moment, and decided to disregard the statement.

"But still it makes one question," queried Clive rubbing his chin thoughtfully with his hand. "Why would one make such an odd request?"

And thus the brain of Clive Winslett started to work, the wheels started to turn, creaking in their joints from being over worked, and many ideas fought to surface his mind first.

'Perhaps, it is a secret code...' he thought to himself as his friends continued to gawk at the strange people across the room. 'Possibly, the waitress is in cahoots with this odd team, and this pickle remark, is merely a code to get information about the latest and grandest bounty heads'

'Or maybe the boy just likes pickles...'

But that thought was quickly brushed aside

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"Can I put pickles on it?"

Tristan scoffed and smacked his red hair air-headed friend upside the head.

"Taku, who the hell puts pickles on rice?" he asked bewildered slumping in his chair embarrassed that maybe someone had heard his friend's odd request.

"Dude," replied the quirky red-head (which was really more of an orange head) "Pickles taste good on everything!"

His three comrades sighed. Tristan had a mop of green hair that fell in an organized mess over his face. Santo (whom has not even been mentioned yet) had relatively normal brown hair and dirt colored eyes to match. He had a balloon tied around his wrist that wore an impish grin and its doodled eyes had a devilish gaze to them. Liana (the only girl in the group) wore a bobbed hairstyle, which was as blue as Taku's pickles were green.

Taku smiled in content as the waitress plopped his plate in front of him and his friends barely registered its arrival before Taku returned it to the table completely void of any previous contents. He belched loudly and leaned back in his chair patting his stomach satisfied.

"Yum." He said simply, as if that would excuse the belch that had wiped out everyone who had been unfortunate enough to breath in at that precise moment.

Liana rolled her eyes.

Tristan banged his head on the table in hopes of ridding himself of this world once and for all.

And Santo returned the rude glare that they were receiving from across the room.

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"I mean look at that balloon!" laughed Virginia. She had just discovered the joy of jeering at her peers. "It's so demonic looking!" she giggled. Jet scoffed and propped his feet on the table to make everyone aware how much 'he didn't care'.

"That girl sure is a cutie though..."laughed Gallows. No one paid attention. Anything that remotely resembled the female gender was 'cute' to Gallows. He had once told Jet he would look sexy with a blonde wig and dress, but that is another story for, well, another story.

"What if their stupidity, is just an elaborate scheme to capture the bounty on our heads?" injected Clive. No one paid attention. Anything that remotely resembled strange behavior was 'an elaborate scheme' to Clive. He had once told Jet that his sexy blonde wig and dress was not elaborate enough a scheme to get the bounty on _their_ heads.

Suddenly out of the blue, something flew through the air and knocked Jet upside the head with such strength, that he toppled straight out of the chair he probably should not have been teetering back in in the first place.

"What the hell?!" Jet barked quickly jumping back to his feet, retrieving the item from the floor that had almost caused his demise.

He looked at it confused then to the strange group of four across the room.

"What the hell is this?!" he snapped waving spork at them.

"What the hell is this?!" yapped Santo as his table immediately imitated the rude stares they were receiving.

"Making fun of my balloon..."he mumbled under his breath.

Jet's eye twitched and in an instant he was across the room and holding his Airget-lamh to the head of an unsuspecting Santo.

In another instant Tristan was strangling an unsuspecting Jet.

And in yet another instant, Virginia was gnawing on the arm of a certain green-haired young man (no you fools, not Clive).

In a couple more instants an old-fashioned brawl fight had broken out between the two groups.

There were punches thrown, hair was pulled, insults were spat (that are much too dirty to be put in this story) but no ARMs were shot. This is only the first chapter of the story after all. As a matter of fact, if this fight had been allowed to continue, it could have qualified as possibly the grandest bar scrap of all time. But thanks to one misplaced fingernail, one misplaced spork, and one unfortunate balloon...

POP.

Everyone ducked to the floor immediately assuming someone had brought their guns into the fight. Everyone except Santo that is. Tears welled in his big brown eyes, and he clasped limply in his hands the rubber that used to be his balloon.

"Dude that was just uncalled for!" yelled Taku standing, consoling his friend by patting his shoulder. Liana stood and dusted off her knees, shaking her hair back into order and straightening her skirt.

"It was about time he got rid of that satanic thing." She sighed helping Tristan back onto his feet.

Santo ran out of the restaurant crying followed by the rest of his team.

The remaining pile of drifters just lingered on the floor.

"Ooooookay..." said Virginia finally standing.

They all rose and dusted themselves off. Jet picked up the spork, and noted that it could be a dangerous weapon when wielded properly and thrown at high velocities. He pocketed it for later use.

"Hey Jet, is that a spork in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

And thus Gallows was knocked upside the head so hard; he flew out of the pages of this chapter, and is doomed not to return until he finds his way back.

The remaining members of the Maxwell team just shook their heads; He had it coming.

As Clive, Virginia and Jet prepared to leave the restaurant however...

"HEY!"

Clive turned around to see who had called out to them so rudely. It was the waitress who had served both the tables and remained completely oblivious to the nasty rumble that had just occurred in her bar.

"You forgot to pay your bill!" she said pointedly shoving the meal ticket in their faces.

"I beg your pardon?" gasped Clive, he was positive he had just paid. He took the check from her hand and readjusted his glasses and examined the paper that dare defy him so.

The order read as follows:

1 order shrimp fried rice: $6.50

Extra pickles: $4.00

20 extra sporks: $3.00

59 steaks well done: $236.89

1 box of Pocky: $.03

Cinnamon Apple Empanada: $1.00

Ramen: $3.45

Mashed Potatoes: $6.80

4 Corn Dogs: $8.00

Lasagna: $17.50

The look on Clive's face: priceless

Clive was furious. But the other party had pinned the check on them so what other logical action was there to take? He hesitantly pulled out his wallet and emptied the contents. Barely enough to cover such an extravagant bill.

Clive was fuming as they exited the bar.

"I can't believe the nerve of them!" Clive ranted and hissed and Virginia and Jet politely listened. They didn't have to pay the check, so what did they care?

They stepped out into the dirt road, a usually empty area, but not at the moment. Four strangely familiar people occupied it. One of which was burying a balloon alongside the road, humming little prayers, cooing to it that 'it did not deserve such an in honorable death'.

"YOU!" spat the furious Clive. He pointed his finger at them accusingly. If this were Dragon Ball Z, a beam of light probably would have shot from his finger and blown them all up. But that of course, is a worse case scenario.

In what seemed like no time at all (because it really was no time at all) both teams of drifters were at a stand off, facing each other. If looks could kill, they would all be dead.

Tristan and Taku whipped out two huge guns, multi-colored, with pumps and tanks, and the words 'super soaker' written across the sides.

Clive, Virginia and Jet merely stared at them flabbergasted. Could they really be so dense?

Taku and Tristan prepared to fire their massive 'guns' only to find them empty.

"This is Filgaia, you fools," sighed Liana scratching the back of her neck bored "Not Bludecem. There is no water here."

It was all Clive, Jet, and Virginia could do, but burst into laughter.

"I don't see what's so funny" scoffed Santo "You owe me a balloon."

"Aw hell no!" barked the more than perturbed Jet. "It's your own damn fault the stupid thing popped."

"Then that means you owe me over $300 worth of food!" snapped Clive, leaving his scholarly composure.

"You actually paid that?" laughed Liana. "You could have just refused, and walked outside to find us waiting. We would've paid"

Clive was more furious than ever now. If he cursed, he would probably be doing it about now. But since he doesn't...

"Flabbergasted...canoodle...flam doodle...Yuki Eiri...." Was all he could manage to mutter.

"You have disgraced us, or in Internet terms, owned us! I will not stand for this!" yelled Tristan throwing his empty and worthless super soaker at the opposing team, only to have them easily dodge it.

"Mark my words!" he continued in a low threatening growl "This is the beginning of the end! From this point on! We are considered rivals!"

And with that dramatic speech as the cue, Tristan and co. turned on heel and left the remaining three drifters in the dust.

"What the hell was that?"

No one answered Jet. No one was quite sure.

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"Rivals," pondered Taku aloud to Tristan and Liana and Santo.

"Kinda sounds like some kind of food..."

After a few more moments of silence Taku spoke yet again.

"Can I put pickles on it?"

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A/N: That's the end of Chapter 1! A story spawned at a random moment on the phone today! Thanks all for reviewing to my other stories! I sooooo appreciate it and... well... sorry this one was so rushed but it was so much fun to type. I hope you enjoyed it! Please review! And a special thanks to Betsy! Co-writer of Bludecem! applauds Well... that's it!


	2. Karaoke and a Suicidal Jet

Pickle Wars

A/N: Ah yes, the insanity continues.

Disclaimer: What about Wild ARMs 3? Do I own it? :ponders for a moment: No.... I don't... what was that? I've got to return it then??!! Blasphemy!

Chapter 2: Karaoke and a Suicidal Jet

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_The changing times! Finally made uuuuup my mind! I raise my hand, from beneath the shifting sands and embrace the winds of change! Suddenly everything is up to me I raise my hand..._ no wait...

Clive and Jet covered their ears at the horrible sound of Virginia's singing. Why, oh Why did she want to sing karaoke? It was painful, she didn't even know all the words.

"So what do you think was up with that weird bunch of people?!" yelled Jet across the table to Clive, flinching at every note Virginia threw into the microphone.

_Suddenly! Everything is up to me! Pages turn, flashing full of memories! I can see it all so clear, the time has come to face my fear!_

Clive merely shrugged. The two didn't talk much. Jet didn't talk much period.

"They did not seem to be from around here!" Clive finally stated,loudly as he could trying to remain composed while keeping his voice loud.

_And there's a fire burning in my heart!_

Jet and Clive cringed. Should they save their leader from such embarrassment? If Gallows were there, they mutual decided, he could have put an end to it.

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Somewhere across the borders of storytelling, Gallows's head popped up at his name being mentioned, he makes a dash for the chapter but to no avail.

"Why?!" he cries overdramatically, dropping to his knees and pleading with the guardians themselves, "Why won't they let me back into the story!?"

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_To shine with all that's torn apart, and I will make it through this desert storm, safe and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarm!!!_

At the climax of the song, Virginia's voice causes the windows to shatter, drink glasses to break, and many unfortunates to go deaf. Jet and Clive were fortunate enough to escape the pub before hand, however.

"That coulda been us..." noted Jet as he and Clive walked down the street, nearly being trampled by a stampeding group of people fleeing from the restaurant, clutching their bleeding ears.

"I don't understand,..." muttered a downcast Virginia, coming up behind her friends. "I thought I sounded good. Everyone was cheering at the end..."

'More like screaming for their lives' thought Jet. It was that moment that he wondered if Virginia could read minds, because she slapped him to the ground.

Clive and Virginia continued back to the hotel as Jet pondered suicide in the dirt.

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"Check mate."

Liana sighed in exasperation as Tristan informed Taku for the millionth time...

"Taku, this is Candyland, not chess."

The four sighed in unison. They were so BORED. They had spent four straight hours playing Candyland locked in their hotel room, and though it was the greatest game in existence, it was starting to wear a little dull. Besides, the guys were getting tired of Liana winning...every single round they played.

Tristan couldn't take it anymore. He snatched the game off of the table and flung it out the window, it spun in the air for a second before collapsing to the ground, showering paper cards and plastic game pieces everywhere.

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"OW!"

Jet looked up to see a rain of Candyland pieces falling on his suicidal head.

"Why does the world hate me?" he yelled kicking the pieces away and ripping up the board.

"Its because I'm the Filgaia Sample isn't it?!"

He started stomping on all the pieces, jumping up and down screaming profanities. Passersby mistook it as a street performance and started flinging gella at him.

"Oooooh, Ahhhh!"

Jet stopped his tantrum and observed around himself for a moment before stooping quickly to gather all the gella that had been pelted at him. He smirked. He didn't know why. Maybe the readers will think it's sexy.

"HEY!!!"

Jet looked up to see a very agitated Tristan hanging out the window.

"What did you do to my Candyland board?" he shouted, "That was my favorite game!"

"You did just chuck it out of the window of a two story building..." snickered Liana. Taku and Santo hushed her.

"This was your stupid thing?" Jet shouted tossing the remaining pieces up to them. "It landed on my freakin' head. I had the right to destroy it!"

"So, you're saying if a newborn baby fell on your head, you would kill it?" protested Tristan.

"What are the odds of that happening?!" yelled Jet throwing his arms in the air in frustration.

"Just answer the question!"

Jet thought for a moment. "No!" he finally said, and the crowd (who were still gathered around Jet because of his fine performance) let out a breath of relief.

"But that game was like a baby to _me!" _cried Tristan, weeping openly as the crowd shared a group 'awwww'.

"How could you be so heartless!" one nameless face yelled.

"You're just a meanie!" screamed another.

Jet just shook his head. He couldn't believe it. These people were all insane.

"It was just cardboard!"

Suddenly, a baby with green eyes and white hair dropped from the sky, bounced off Jet's head, and rolled a couple feet away from where they were standing. Everyone just looked at it, it was bundled up in a white blanket and crying desperately.

'What're the odds?' thought Jet.

But everyone's attention was torn away from the infant however, as woman jumped out of the window next to the one from which Tristan was hanging out of.

"My babay!" she yelled as she landed on the ground with a graceful thump. She scooped up the bundle and cradled it in her arms. She spun around violently and shook her fist to the window she had just sprung out of.

"Damn you Michael Jackson!" she screamed viciously.

A man with red hair ran up behind the woman and took her in his arms. "Let us get out of here!" sobbed the man cradling the woman as she was cradling the baby. And so they ran off down the road, just as they did however, an angry mob (wielding the typical torches and hay forks) stormed down the road chasing the lovers.

"Get them!" they screamed in unison.

Even as the mob made their way down the road, yet another man wearing a black cloak followed all of them.

"Wait for me my love!"

The tone of his voice made it very clear that he was screaming for the red headed man to wait, and not the woman. As he passed Jet however, he paused for a moment, looked him up and down, and pinched his butt. Jet could only twitch and feel violated as the man continued his path down the road.

Everyone watched as the parade of people tore off down the street. Silence ensued.

"How bizarre..." Tristan finally said.

Jet's eye was still twitching from the sexual attack.

"You said it."

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Meanwhile, somewhere in the universe unknown, Gallows is having a meltdown.

"So all those people, who are irrelevant to the plot I might add, made it into the chapter, but I am sill stuck in this void?!"

His cries for attention could be heard only by those who cared.

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"Hey, Clive..." said Virginia suddenly looking up from her book.

"Yes?" murmured Clive into his pillow. It had been years since he had had the time to take a nap, and Virginia just wasn't going to let him enjoy it.

"It's been awfully quiet," she stated plainly "You don't think Jet actually did commit suicide do you?"

Clive grunted in answer.

Then as if in cue, Jet stormed though the door, nearly scaring the unsuspecting Virginia and Clive to death.

"I COULD HAVE SAVED THAT DAMN BABY IF I HAD WANTED TOO!" Jet screamed out the door before slamming it. He turned on heel and glared at his teammates.

"What?!" he spat glaring at them.

Neither of them replied. They didn't want to know.

"A gay man pinched my ass!" Jet yelled angrily as if that would answer their questions.

They just continued to stare at him so he stormed out of the room.

Merely moments after the door slammed behind him they heard him scream.

"Shut the hell up it's not funny Tristan! And I am not paying for your damn Candyland game!!!"

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A/N: That concludes Chapter Two! It's quite random I know, maybe next chapter I'll actually have a plot....Maybe not...who knows? Certainly not I!

Jet: (weeping) A gay man pinched my ass!


	3. Nakedness

Pickle Wars

Declaimer: Of course I don't own Wild ARMs 3! Why do you keep asking me such painful questions?!

A/N: Here we go again! Sorry if this chapter is...err...short? I am trying my hardest to update as often as I can...so please bear with me!

Chapter Notes: No... I'm not just wasting space...Eh, anyway, I was reading stories the other day, immediately reading the reviews of course and posting a few of my own, or at least thinking about posting a few of my own, anyway, when I noticed that people go insane for a half-naked Jet! So this chapter is dedicated to you perverts out there, who love-them some half-naked Jet (myself included)!

Chapter 3: Naked...ness

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Taku, Tristan, Santo and Liana all sat around the breakfast table. It was hot, as usual, and bright, as usual and everyone was sticky with sweat as usual. How did people survive on this planet with virtually no water???

Tristan nuzzled his face into the folds of his arms in an attempt to go back to sleep as Taku ordered more pickles for his breakfast burrito. Santo kicked his heels against the leg of the chair, trying to entertain himself, and Liana merely gazed out the window humming a song she had heard someone karaoke to the previous day. But none of this changed the fact that it was hot, and sticky, and bright.

"Hey guys..." said Taku looking up rather seriously from his Mexican themed breakfast.

His friends looked at curiously, waiting for him to finish his question.

"If this is a desert planet... why do these people wear so many layers of clothes?"

The group gazed around. Taku was right. Everyone who was anyone was fashioning jeans, large coats, hats...things definitely not suited for this hot humid sticky weather.

"And no one seems to have any kind of tan..." he continued.

At this Tristan stood. "I..." he announced grandly "Am going to put a stop to this madness, and support Taku's statement, by going against dress code and taking off my shoes!"

Liana shook her head. Why, why did she continue to be friends with these people? She banged her head on the table.

Tristan flung off his shoes and stretched his sticky sweaty toes, sighing relief.

"I feel so free!" he sang proudly, his ten little piggies now naked.

"Oh yeah?" challenged Santo, standing immediately and flinging his shirt off in one swift movement. "What then?"

His shirt landed on Liana's head, and she gave off a very pained sigh. 'Why?' she questioned herself again.

Taku immediately stood to accept the dare. "I'm gonna run around _naked!_" he stated proudly. Tristan and Santo just looked at him, and 'sweat-dropped' as he instantly stripped nude and ran out of the restaurant screaming 'I'm naked! I'm naked I'm free!'

Liana continued beating her head on the table. They watched out the window as the sheriff and a couple deputies chased down Taku and grabbed him by the arms.

"Looks like we may need that tranquilizer!" they heard the sheriff yell as Taku broke free and skipped off down the road singing with a goofy grin plastered on his face.

They all shared a group sigh.

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Virginia, Jet, and Clive, meanwhile, were making their way down the stairs when they heard someone yelling 'I'm NAKED!'. Jet shook his head.

"It's gonna be one of those days..." he sighed as they rounded the landing and saw Tristan's bare feet propped up on the table, a half-naked Santo finishing off Taku's breakfast burrito, and Liana banging her head consistently on the table.

"Look who it is!" yelled Tristan upon seeing their arrival "It's Spanky and our other two rivals!"

Jet glared at him. He did not find the nickname funny.

"HA! Get it? Cuz a gay man pinched your butt, which is pretty close to spanking. I crack myself up." Tristan admitted wiping a comical tear from his eye.

It was another one of those moments where, had this been another game or anime, a lot of people would have been blown up in an instant.

"I get it." Jet hissed. Clive and Virginia snickered behind their hands.

"I have a rather serious question to ask you..." injected Santo wiping his mouth with a napkin before continuing. "I know we're rivals and all, but can ya please try to answer?"

Virginia gazed at Santo astonished. He looked _good_ without his shirt on. She collected herself for a moment before replying.

"Yes, what is it?" she finally managed to answer.

"If this is a desert planet, why do you wear so many layers of clothes?"

The three drifters just stared at the other group of three at the table.

"I-!" she snapped appalled, then pondered for a moment. "Y'know, I don't really know?"

There was silence as the Drifters tried to come up with a good reason for their many layers of clothes.

"I mean, I'm not saying you should run around stark naked..." said Santo as Taku ran by the window of the restaurant flailing his arms around like a decapitated chicken, if a decapitated chicken had arms that is.

The Drifters just shrugged, and screams from a currently captured Taku could be heard for miles.

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Right now Gallows is in denial, in the fetal position, rocking back and forth and back and forth and...back...and...forth...and...back...and...forth...

Right now, Gallows threw up.

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Jet looked around.

"What's that weird noise?"

Everyone looked to him confused.

"I don't hear anything..."claimed Virginia, perking her ears up to listen "What does it sound like?"

"Kind of shrilly..." said Jet rubbing his ears "Kind of like a harpy or somethin'."

"Oh! I know that sound!" said Santo standing backing away from the door. Liana lifted her head from the table and cursed to herself.

"Dammit, let's get the hell out of here." Tristan grabbed his shoes and Santo by the arm, the left the restaurant in a hurry.

"OH wait!" said Virginia suddenly "I hear it to it's...it's..." she gulped and looked at Jet.

"It's fan girls."

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"NOW HOLD THE PHONE!" screamed Gallows "Where the hell is my stampeding pack of fan girls?"

No one answered.

_It's because I named you Pimpweed in the game._

Gallows looked around him. "Who the heck was that?"

_Twas I, AnimeGoddessS._

"Hey! This goes against the rules don't it? You can't talk to me!"

_Technically I can, because you are not in the chapter._

"Oh."

Silence ensued.

"Pimpweed you say?"

_Yup._

"Huh, weird."

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Fan girls were pouring in from the windows, the doors, the vents, anything they could fit their bodies through.

"What are they?!" screamed Jet hopping on a table. Clive had already been taken in by the mass.

"Their your fans!" yelled Virginia swatting at them with a random broom.

"Well whadda they want?" he yelped as they latched onto his legs.

At this point in time, one would think it would be pretty obvious. Jet was dragged into a mob of fan girl bodies. And after a moment of incessant yelling, Jet was dropped back onto the floor. The girls flooded out as quickly as they had came. But they had claimed his shirt. Jet stood up and brushed himself off.

"That's it?"

"It coulda been worse." sighed Virginia in relief.

Jet shrugged. Tristan and Taku and Santo were right. It did feel surprisingly good without all those layers of clothes.

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_Mmmm...I love me some half naked Jet._

"You're sick."

_How so?_

"Because you named me Pimpweed."

_Yeah, sorry about that._

"And because you sent that ravaging pack of fan girls after Jet's shirt just so you could end the chapter."

..._So?_

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A/N: Okay there is good news! Starting next chapter, there will actually be a plot! Amazing aint it? I want to take the time to thank Teefa85 for reviewing to each of the 2 chapters that were posted! Glad you thought they were funny! Errr...I guess that's it? If you have any questions, just ask in the reviews and I'll be glad to answer them in chapters. Because I really don't check email. Sorry. Peace! Stay tuned!


	4. Psychobabble

Pickle Wars

Disclaimer: AGAGAGA… It is never going to change! I do not own the rights to Wild ARMs 3! If I did, I would have many more friends….

A/N: Alright, it has been a while since I have updated, for this I am sorry! Forgive me…See? I am trying to redeem myself!

Chapter Notes: Alright, trying to go with more than random stuff this time…Pasha, like that is going to happen…Random is just too fun! Anyway, I hope this chapter does not turn out too short, and a HUGE thanks to Betsy for keeping me company while I type this all out! Now…if only I could convince her to type as well….

Chapter 4: Psychobabble

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It was a cold dark windy night. Typically, most nights on Filgaia are cold, and dark, and windy. Most nights in general are dark…but this is all beside the point. It was a dark cold and windy night, an average night on Filgaia. An average night, which would mark the beginning of one of the most extravagant wars to ever occur on Filgaia… A war of such caliber that it might even challenge the grandness of the Daemon Wars…This war, occurring between one group of Drifters and one group of travelers. This war, would go down in history as one of the cruelest wars of all time. This war was…The Pickle Wars.

(Dramatic music is cued, and somewhere a shrill thriller-like scream is heard.)

A shadowy figure crept through the window of Jet and Virginia's hotel room. It slithered ever so stealthily across the floor, and took human form upon standing. The voice emitted from between the being's lips was a deep threatening growl, an accent so heavy with contempt and hatred, the very air seemed to turn stale and lifeless.

"This will signal the beginning…"

The figure turned to Jet's bed as it spoke and strolled leisurely to its wooden side.

"Of the end…"

It held a bowl of red liquid above the obliviously sleeping Jet and sneered with all the passion it could stand.

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Taku sighed. Jail was boring.

Clive sighed. Jail was boring.

The two sighed in unison opposite jail cells of each other.

"Jail is boring!" moaned Taku beating on the bars that enslaved him with his fists.

He sighed again and watched Clive.

"What're you in for?"

Clive gazed through the bars, glaring at the red-headed youth for asking such an imposing question.

Taku smiled sheepishly and shrugged.

"I've always wanted to say that!" he explained.

Clive returned the shrug.

"Attempted murder." He answered finally pushing his glasses up by the bridge.

Taku nodded as if he understood and it soon became very evident that he did.

"Yeah," replied Taku stretching his arms "Those fan girls will drive you to do the unthinkable." He smiled and sat back down on the pathetic excuse for a bed the jail cell provided him.

"What about you?" queried Clive.

"Indecent exposure." Taku laughed.

Clive twitched and sat away from the bars again.

"Would you care to attempt to plan an escape route from this dreadful imprisonment?"

Taku sent Clive a look that the word 'confusion' would not even begin to describe.

"Erm…Do you wanna bust out?" Clive rephrased laughing, and Taku nodded jumping for joy.

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Virginia sighed. It was only her and Jet now, seeing as Gallows had been booted from the story-

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"HELP!!!!" screams Gallows.

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-and Clive had disappeared in the mob of fan girls. She echoed her sigh resting her chin in her arms that were set on the table. Jet was not much company either. The lazy bum was still sleeping. She turned her attention to the two travelers from their 'rival' group. They seemed to be down in numbers as well. Liana sat content with reading the book she had picked up from her hotel room, and Tristan appeared to be as bored as Virginia. She had no idea where Santo was, but could only assume that Taku was still in jail for streaking.

She sighed.

Tristan sighed.

The two looked at each other.

Virginia smiled, and started to begin a conversation, but Tristan upon looking over her shoulder, burst out into hysterics.

"MWA HA HA! Spanky! What did you do to you hair?!"

Virginia looked at him confused then turned slowly to look behind her.

It was Jet…and his hair was _pink._

"What?!" he snapped, oblivious of the happenings on his own head.

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Santo rubbed his hands together, watching from the window. He took out a notepad. It had a list of each of the Drifter's names.

1.) Jet

2.) Clive

3.) Gallows

4.) Virginia

He smirked and crossed off Jet's name.

"One down."

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A/N: Alright, I am sorry this was so short, but you should be used to that by now, non? Anyways, because people keep asking, "Bludecem? What the heck is that? Who are these random people tied into this story?" I have included a blurb for you! (Alright, so it was mostly for my own amusement.) So I hope you enjoy! Review!

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Memories of Bludecem 

_A blurb from Chapter 5_

"Is she asleep?"

Taku poked Liana, and nodded in answer to Tristan's question. The two boys were silent.

"Tristan?" asked Taku quietly as not to wake Liana.

Tristan gazed at him through half-closed tired eyelids.

"Hm?" he finally managed to murmur in response.

"Do you remember those nightmares you used to have when you were little?"

Tristan shrugged, closing his eyes pretending to be going to sleep.

"Um…" Taku continued hesitantly "Did you ever _stop_ having them?"

Tristan's eyes flew open and he immediately glared at Taku for mentioning such a taboo topic. This had always been a delicate subject between the boys though. Tristan only spoke to Taku about the nightmares that occurred in his sleep when they were younger, and had to share a dorm because of their age. Even then, the conversations were scarce and always discussed in complete confidentiality. Taku swore however, never to mention them again after one particularly bad incident. He shuddered at the thought. He would never forget it.

(_Flashback)_

_4 years ago_

What was all that yelling? 

Taku eased his eyes open expecting to see darkness, only to be welcomed by a glowing room. He stared blankly at the dancing shadows on the ceiling. It almost looked like…

"FIRE!" yelled Taku leaping out of his bed, turning to look for his sleeping friend only to find Tristan's mattress shrouded in flames.

"Tristan!" he screamed "Shit boy, your mattress is on fire!"

Taku was only answered by yells and painful yelps of pain. He strained to see his friend through the looming smoke.

"Tristan!" he called reaching his hands into the flames without a second thought. He cringed at the burning of his own flesh. His friend, his hands could not find him, though he could make out his shadow perfectly well, could hear his howls of agony, his sobbing. Taku could see him, literally freaking out. The silhouette of his best friend tearing at his hair, slashing at his own arms like a wild animal, and screaming, screaming unrecognizable terrors.

"Tristan!" Taku yelled again searching. Why weren't his hands reaching?

"Tristan! Get off the bed NOW!" Taku choked through the billowing smoke.

Finally, Taku's hands tore through the flames and met at Tristan's arm. It was sticky with blood. Taku summoned all of his strength, and yanked Tristan off the bed in one swift movement. The fire disappeared instantly, the smoke, faded away, even the severe burns that had covered Taku's hands were no longer existent. It was almost like it had all been an illusion. The only thing left of the incident was Tristan. Sprawled on his side on the floor, clutching to his chest desperately with his self inflicted slashed and bloody arms. He was shaking uncontrollably, and his emerald eyes were fixed forward in a steady gaze, tears streaming in confused lines down his pale, terrified face.

"Tristan…" whimpered Taku, but his friend said nothing.

Taku lay next to him, gazing into his green eyes. Blood puddled the floor, and tears now streamed from both young boys' eyes. Taku embraced his friend.

Crumpled in a heap on the cold, blood splattered floor, the two boys wept in each others' arms for the remainder of the night.

_(End Flashback)_

The two never mentioned Tristan's nightmares again after that night, and Taku never found what had caused the fire, nor did he report the incident to anyone.

"No…" Tristan finally answered softly after studying his friend's face for a long time. "No, I haven't."

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A/N: Alright, I hope you enjoyed it! More Pickle Wars soon! R&R! Email any questions/suggestions to me! 


	5. Roses are Red, Pickles are Green

Pickle Wars

Disclaimer: Do I own Wild ARMs 3? No…but it's only a matter of time.

A/N: Again, it's been a while since I have updated this thing. Fooorgiiiive meeee! My humor muse was gone for what I thought was forever! But alas! He has returned to me!

Chapter Notes: So after realizing I was much too late for a Christmas/Holiday special, I converted to Valentine's Day. Hoorah for randomness! Hoorah for fics birthed from chocolate highs!

Chapter 5: Roses are Red, Pickles are Green (Pt.1)

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"Wtf is that naked baby doing, flying around with a weapon!" Santo instantly spat exasperatedly upon shooing away fat-ass pigeons he was feeding from the bench. (Pigeons that hangout in front of pubs DO tend to be extra fat). He blinked in awe as the 'naked baby' caught his gaze.

"I am not a baby, nor am I naked!" snapped the strange winged being. It was almost as chubby as the pigeons, rolls of fat hanging over its heart-decorated diaper. It fluttered down next to Santo, red and pink coordinated bow and arrow in hand. "I'm cupid!" it said gleefully hovering by his shoulder "And I will help you find true lo-"

"You're not cupid." Scoffed Santo snatching the bow and arrow away in one swift movement, jumping to his feet and sending the baby hurling into the sky with one of his infamous (and well-rehearsed) flying kicks. "You're stupid!" And with a star-like twinkle in the sky, Stupid was gone.

Santo smirked slinging the arrows over his back and clutching the bow. "Happy day oh happy day." He hummed walking towards the jail, a demonic smile plastered on his lips.

"Time for some ruckus."

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PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE STREAKER 

Taku moaned hungrily pulling desperately at the bars for escape, glancing at the sign angrily. "I wasn't gonna _eat _the kid…" he sighed. He heard Clive chuckle whole-heartedly.

As it turns out, Clive's original 'escape plan' was far too difficult for Taku to comprehend, so Clive (not wanting to leave this strange new ally behind) came to develop a new plan; he would stealthily climb through the cell window and return with bail money for Taku. Taku's only order was to stay put.

Taku watched the familiar green-haired drifter clumsily collapse through the window, disappearing from sight.

"Bring back pickles!" whispered Taku urgently, trying not to wake the guard.

Clive whispered a burbled 'okay', and Taku was alone. He sighed leaning away from the bars.

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Virginia sighed. She loved Valentine's Day.

Jet sighed. Such a holiday was meaningless.

Jet propped his feet on the table, nearly knocking over the festively placed rose-in-vase. Virginia caught it quickly in its descent.

"Jet!" she snapped, sending a scolding glare his way. He scoffed, removing his feet from the counter. Virginia giggled suddenly.

"At least the pink dye makes your hair festive…"

Jet twitched, pulling the hat (he had stolen it right off a little train boy's head) more snugly around his face.

"Whatever."

"Aww c'mon….lighten up!" Virginia giggled springing out of the chair, throwing her arms in the air.

Suddenly, a delighted yelp was heard, followed by the familiar stampeding heavy steps of a certain familiar somebody…

"OMFG I AM BACK IN THE STORY!" Pimpweed yelled.

"Ah, what's wrong with my name!" exclaimed Pimpweed and his little chat box with portrait pops up onto the screen, his expression picture one of shock and disgust.

Everyone looked around, as a loud rumbling noise shook the roof over-head, and the sky turned pitch black, and a voice recognizable to only Pimpweed boomed around them:

'_Tis I, AnimeGoddessS. Yes, Pimpweed you have returned to the story, but it was at the cost of your original name._

"This sucks…" Pimpweed sighed, gloom clouds hovering by his shoulder. He glanced over to his friends as the light returned, and the booming voice drifted away. He laughed hysterically.

"Well, at least my hair's not pink!"

"Welcome back Pimpweed!" chirped Virginia, embracing the big oaf in a tackle-like hug.

"Please don't call me that…" He sighed.

"But it's you name!" she gasped surprised.

He smacked his forehead in exasperation.

Jet propped his feet back up on the table as Tristan and Liana made their way down the stairs.

"Morning Spanky!" called Tristan jumping off the bottom two stairs. "I see your friend is back! What was your name? Pimpweed was it?"

Pimpweed twitched and nodded not wanting to be banned from the story again.

"And a Happy Valentine's Day to all of you!" Tristan added, throwing heart shaped confetti (he had drawn from out of nowhere) into the air as Liana shook her head disgusted shoving past him.

"He's really into this whole 'Holiday' thing every since we missed Christmas." Sighed Liana flipping consecutively through Pickle Wars chapters, "We need to increase our output…" she murmured to herself.

"We were just about to go visit Taku up at the jail! The sheriff says he'll be out in another 3 months, but we figured that he didn't wanna be lonely on Valentine's Day." At this Tristan threw more confetti into the air "Have any of you seen Santo?"

Virginia shook her head solemnly, and her ears perked up suddenly. "We should go visit Clive!" she squeaked clapping her hands together. Pimpweed nodded in agreement clapping his hands in unison with her,

Jet scoffed, shrugging indifferently.

"We should eat breakfast first…" suggested Pimpweed patting his growling stomach. Virginia agreed, spinning around in hyper circles as Tristan threw more confetti. They laughed in random celebration of breakfast.

Liana and Jet sighed.

They needed new friends.

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"Please! Don't shoot! I swear I won't go anywhere near him! You can even have the key!" stuttered the sheriff at the mercy of Santo's arrow, handing him the key.

Santo smirked lowering the bow and snatching the key from the shaking guard's hand. He shoved passed him and kneeled in front of Taku's dank cell.

"Hey Taku…" he growled upon seeing his seated friend, dangling the key just outside the bars.

Taku smiled brightly at seeing Santo.

"You came to bust me out!" He cried gleefully.

"Not quite…" smirked Santo pocketing the key. Taku frowned uncertainly.

"Santo, what are you doing? Let me out of here, people keep coming in here and pointing and laughing at me."

"Listen…do yano what day it is?" Hummed Santo, paying no mind to Taku's confused pleas for escape. Taku shrugged looking quizzically at his friend. "It's Valentine's Day."

"Happy Valentine's Day!" Shrieked Taku happily.

"Shaddup."

"Okay."

"'Member _last_ Valentine's Day?" whispered Santo. Taku shrugged, and thought for a moment.

"Oh yeah!" He finally spurted. "You and I had a bet to who would get the most stuff!"

Santo nodded, glaring at him.

"I won, didn't I?" asked Taku straining to remember.

"By a landslide."

"Oh yeah. I totally owned your ass."

"Well not this year!" Yelled Santo. "With you locked in this jail cell, and me shooting everyone who comes in five inches of you, I am bound to win!" he laughed. "But remember…" he concluded, "It's all in good fun."

With this he took aim at the highly confused guard, shooting and running maniacally out of the building. The guard stumbled backwards for a second, clutching his chest where the arrow was, closing his eyes as Santo rushed past. In a matter of seconds, the red and pink arrow disintegrated and the sheriff opened his eyes. He glanced at Taku, flushing pink and speaking with an uncharacteristically bubbly tone.

"I was made for loving you, baby!"

Taku's eye twitched in horror and he scooted quickly away from the edge of the bars.

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Santo perched atop the jail roof with one thing in mind: Death to all who go near Taku!

"I WILL win this year…"he chuckled, aiming what he thought was a deadly weapon at random townspeople walking into the jail for a friendly visit with the sheriff. He shot all three of them and laughed as they stumbled into the jail clutching their pierced hearts.

How could he possibly know that their hearts were pierced with **_love?_**

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Taku scooted into the corner of his cell as the three random townspeople and the sheriff crowded around his jail cell, professing their love for him.

"Man, I hate Valentine's Day." He concluded.

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"We should celebrate breakfast more often!" sighed Virginia joyfully pushing her empty plate away and stretching her arms.

Tristan sluggishly threw more confetti in the air, too full of breakfast essentials to move much more.

Pimpweed burped loudly ready for more, fastening his napkin around his neck as the waitress brought out his 237218903706th helping.

Liana grabbed Tristan by the arm, politely excusing herself.

"We really gotta go visit Taku…" she said lugging Tristan (who had dead-weighted himself in an attempt to just stay at the table) to the door.

Virginia nodded; glancing at Pimpweed (who was still eating and showing no signs of stopping) then glanced to Jet.

She took him awkwardly by the arm.

"Wanna come with me to come visit Clive?" she asked shyly, wringing her napkin in her lap with her free hand.

Jet shrugged.

"Wanna come with me to come visit Clive?" she asked again softly.

Jet shrugged.

"Wanna come with me to come visit Clive?" she asked again.

Jet shrugged.

"Wanna come with me to come visit Clive?" she asked again.

Jet shrugged.

"Wanna come with me to come visit Clive?" she asked again.

Jet shrugged.

"JUST GO WITH HER!" screamed Pimpweed spraying bits of food over the two of them.

"Whatever." Jet agreed. Virginia skipped cheerfully out of the restaurant a reluctant Jet following her.

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END PART 1

Author's Notes: This wasn't originally supposed to be in 'parts'… but I felt the strong urge to update at least relatively close to Valentine's Day and it's taking me a lot longer to type up this concept than I thought. The rest of it is coming soon! I promise! Hope I made ya smile! _**Sarah**_

_Roses are red_

_Pickles are green_

_Happy Valentine's Day_

_From Betsy and me!_

_('Me' as in Sarah…)_


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